The End is the Beginning

 

I was young, between a kid and not yet a teen. And I would wake up during the thunderstorms, the lightning flashing and the thunder rolling, only to find my Dad staring out my window with his camera in hand, completely mesmerized by the light show outside. As soon as he knew I was awake, he would grin and invite me over to see the show and take pictures.

“It’s the middle of the night,” I would say groggy but not surprised before rolling over, pulling the covers over my head, and going back to bed. 

“One day, you’ll get it,” he’d say before he went back to snapping away. 

This post was supposed to have a cheery holiday feel-good vibe, but those merry words eluded me like time, flitting in and out, prolific and rhythmic, as long as I was far from the keys or a pen. At first, I couldn’t quite put my finger on why. And then it dawned on me: this is the first Christmas without my Dad.

And whoa. 

And fuck. 

And this sucks. 

The end of his life brought me to the beginning of a life without him.

It’s a uniquely painful road to travel. A heavy numbness. A gray void. Darker. Dim. A wide chasm of nothingness.

And there’s nothing you can do but endure. One step in front of the other. One moment at a time. Learning to live with an ache that will never heal. 

It’s so fucking hard to be merry and bright. 

In my Gen X-pick-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps way, I kept myself as busy as I could. A particularly grueling grad class (read and discussed two novels, wrote two stories, and workshopped 25 short stories from my peers) and a 30-hour anatomy course to renew my yoga credentials (hit that deadline with hours to spare) worked nicely.

Until they were over. And the holidays were here. Plop in my lap. Fuck.

But I’ve got some pretty great people, places, and furry friends to support me. And all things good it has been: family, friends, laughter, delicious eats, porch sits, exciting new reads, a great new show to binge, and rest.

And even though I can’t hear his voice or feel his pat on my back, I know he’s here. Always. His presence is felt in the cardinal chirping in the maple, or as the wind chimes tingle in the breeze, or the lights flicker, or my brother tells a silly Dad joke, or a photo. A photo I felt compelled to capture. 

The river view (pictured above) is my commute (I know, right?!?). One night on my way to work, Nature did her thing as she does. I had no choice but to veer off the road and snap that picture, to preserve that moment in time. 

I had no idea what it would mean to me later. I thought I was just diggin’ a sunset, as I do, but it was more than that. It’s an innate appreciation of the natural beauty in the world and the need to stop and preserve it– a connection I share with my father that spans space and time, through life and death whether it’s pulling off on the side of the road for a sunset, or getting out of bed in the middle of the night to catch the lightshow, or a stroll through Botanical Gardens, or a walk along a beach. The need to hold that moment in our hearts. 

Grief overwhelms and swells, ebbing and flowing and hurting like hell. The pinnacle of it all is that the very last thing my father would want for me is to be sad. All he's ever wanted for me is to find peace and contentment in the beauty and joy that surrounds us everywhere. And in general, I do a pretty good job of this. The catch-22 is that now, it's so much harder without his light, his guidance, his support. 

But I honor him as I can, stopping along the river to capture the moment, following my dreams, feeling my feelings, working on myself, and saying no to all the shit that no longer serves (which is harder than it sounds). But no matter where I am or what I’m doing, I know Dad is smiling over my shoulder. Always.

Not only do I have my own personal stops and starts, but we humans find ourselves in the throes of our annual endings and beginnings.  

Seems surreal to me that we are at the end of the last month of 2025. Autumn has ended, as have the darkening nights in the Northern Hemisphere. Beginnings are soon to follow. Winter and the return of light are here, and we’re mere days away from a new month and a brand new year. 

From me to you, hoping you had the merriest, brightest, most blessed, Solstice, Yule, Christmas, Kwanza, Hanukkah, your holiday celebration of choice. May love, light, laughter, alignment, health, wealth, prosperity, and goodness find you in 2026. 

Until next year, find your creative, embrace your wild side, stay sane(ish), and happy reading!

Best, Aspen Hite

St. Louis Teen Book Festival

 

St. Louis Teen Book Festival

Two weeks ago, I had the good fortune to attend the STL Teen Book Festival. I planned ahead, taking the day off work and school to play in my Nerd Girl way (and just so we’re clear, being a Nerd Girl is one of my favorite all-time roles in this plane of existence). 

At the festival, I got to meet up with fellow local authors (including my favorite professor), make new acquaintances, and listen to New York Times bestselling novelists share their secrets and promote their latest works, all in a gorgeous library, surrounded by books and bibliophiles as far as the eye could see.

I also spent too much on books, and then chatted (blathered on like a fangirl) with Julie Berry, E. Lockhart, Angeline Boulley, and Britney S. Lewis while they signed their books.

As soon as I finish my current read, I’m sitting down with Julie Berry’s If Looks Could Kill (Medusa meets Jack the Ripper in Manhattan circa 1888…and so much more). And then, one by one, I’ll conquer the rest. I can’t wait.

Such a great day. Check out some of my shots of the panels below. Looking forward to next year!

Until next time, find your creative, embrace your wild side, stay sane(ish), and happy reading!

Best, Aspen Hite

Recent(ish) Reads #2

 

Dear Readers,

Welcome back! A minor title change: Recent(ish) Reads. I love the ish. Plus, "recent" is a relative term, especially the way time moves.

Remember, here on this page, we (me) give stars with grace and compassion because we (I) know how hard it is to write a book.

Rating System*

*I know how hard it is to write a book. We start at three.

⭐⭐⭐ Eh, at best. Proceed with caution.

⭐⭐⭐⭐ Good, especially if it’s your genre.  Admittedly, a WIDE range.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ FANTASTIC. Read it. For real.

Louisiana’s Way Home by Kate DiCamillo (mid-grade) ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

FANTASTIC! I love DiCamillo, and she weaves a magnificent modern fairy tale in a touching middle-grade novel of a young girl on her journey to discover life and herself. An MFA for a fairy tales class.  

We Were Liars (YA)* by E. Lockhart ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I read this after hearing good things about it from classmates. And I got it read before it blew up on Hulu. It’s got a fantastic point of view. It’s also twisty and tragic to the nth degree. I will read the next one. 

*Update: I initially rated it four stars because the reader in me hated the ending, but the writer in me knows the ending is brilliant, it’s just tragic, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve since updated the rating to five stars. AND, met E. Lockhart at a Teen Book Fest, had her sign my books, and lost my fangirl mind. 

Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut ⭐⭐⭐⭐

I watched a brilliant TED talk with Vonnegut and wondered why I’d never read any of his books, so I grabbed a few on sale and started with this one. Um, an interesting read, but the part that sticks with me is the detailed descriptions of penises. I’ve never read a book where the male characters are introduced with the length and girth of their penis. Meet Character B, he’s 3 inches long with a girth of 7 inches. Interesting. And that’s what sticks with me, the poor man with a small, wide penis (hahaha). An interesting story.

Pretty Things by Janelle Brown ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Good! Psychological thriller with dual POVs. You love them. You hate them. Who is the hero? Who is he villain? A twisted tale. Am I happy with the ending? Yep. Have you recommended it to friends? You betcha. 

The Hawthorne Legacy by Jennifer Lynn Barnes (YA) ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Excellent. Barnes takes the mystery and intrigue of  the first one, ups the stakes and then fills in some of the backstory blanks. Almost as good as the first. Barnes is wicked talented. I already have the third one in the series. Can’t wait to see where she takes it next.

Crave by Tracy Wolff (YA) ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Twilight, 20 years later, but better. Pretty, fish-out-of-water gal finds herself in the crosshairs on the warpath, or is it in a love triangle, with a few of the hotties and important people at her new school (psst, a school for supernaturals, with our protagonist not, or is she?). My teenage niece recommended it (and it was free on Prime 🙂).

Girl in Pieces by Kathleen Glasgow (YA) ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Tragic and traumatic. And an important read for young adults or parents of young adults. Our teens struggle with real shit. It’s a shame we don’t help them (and all of us) develop better ways to deal with our pain and traumas (we all have them) without self-harm or harming others. Great read. 

What are you reading? What do you recommend? Have you read these? I’d love to hear from you. Share your thoughts in the comments. 

Until next time, find your creative, embrace your wild side, stay sane(ish), and happy reading!

Best, Aspen Hite

 

Recent Reads #1

I’ve been reading nonstop all year. More now with a purpose than ever before. Thanks to grad school, there is a more analytical focus to my reading than ever before. Don’t get me wrong, I still read for mindless fun, but I also read to grow my gargantuan brain. And it all varies by what’s on the agenda and what I’m writing. For example, I’ve spent a good part of this year reading possible comparable titles for my own novel, so my list is very YA heavy.  And I’m usually always working my way through something nonfiction, usually on the craft of writing, which I probably won’t bore you with. 

I’m trying to get back in the habit of sharing my Recent Reads, so here it goes… 

Rating System

(And since I know how hard it is to write a book, my rating system begins at three stars; yes, you get two free stars just for finishing and publishing a book). 

⭐⭐⭐ Eh, at best. Proceed with caution.

⭐⭐⭐⭐ Good, especially if it’s your genre.  Admittedly, a WIDE range.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ FANTASTIC. Read it. For real.

The Handmaid's Secret by Freida McFadden ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Millie has her secrets, which is why she can’t be too picky when it comes to employers, especially those who pay well. I’ll be honest. I thought Millie might have wisened up since the last time, but no. For fans of Jane Eyre and book one in the Handmaid’s series, this is a quick read. 

The Inheritance Games by Jennifer Lynn Barnes (YA) ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 

A professor of mine introduced me to Jennifer Lynn Barnes at a St. Louis YA Book Festival, where I watched teenagers FREAK out for her work, so I had to know. And I loved it! Avery Grambs, the twists, turns, puzzles and mysteries, not to mention the entire Hawthorn clan, good, bad, indifferent, manipulative, sneaky, and as sinister as they can be. This book lived up to the hype. After finishing book one, I ordered the next two. 

Nothing to See Here by Kevin Wilson ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Hilarious magical realism about a nanny who finds her place caring for the senator’s children. They aren’t bad kids; they just happen to catch on fire. 

I read an excerpt of this in one of my MFA classes, and swooped it up on Kindle with digital credit when it went on sale.

The Witness by Nora Roberts ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Cute. Fun. A bit twisty. It’s been a while since I read Nora, and she’s still a quick read. A little sappy for my tastes in my cynical, jaded old age, but the ending was a good one, and the dog lived. 🙂 

What are you reading? What do you recommend? Have you read these? I’d love to hear from you. Share your thoughts in the comments. 

Until next time, find your creative, embrace your wild side, stay sane(ish), and happy reading!

Best, Aspen Hite

Setting Inspiration via the Haunted Mansion

Sunlight flittered through the trees as a warm breeze ruffled my hair, sending it in all directions. I pushed my sunglasses to the top of my head to contain my wild tresses and stepped into the shade. The temperature dropped, but it wasn’t just the loss of the sun; it was the house. Inside, my skin prickled under the air heavy with history, reeking from every corner. Bits of plaster and original crown molding hung here and there, and new boards supported the dilapidated, once-condemned building, and people milled about with smiles, like it was just another day, in just another place. But it wasn’t. 

I was standing in the very legendary and very haunted McPike Mansion…

They say to write what you know. The unspoken trick here is to keep fueling the Know Pile. This adventure started as a bit of setting research for my latest novel, and a bona fide interest in hometown history. Once I discovered that one of the most haunted homes in the nation was on the list, I sent out the group text, and, lucky me, I was able to gather a few of my favorite gals (we love hauntings), and we made a day of it. And a great day it was. All around.

There were other houses on the tour, and they were also pretty cool, with all their history and nuances, as well as their restorations, renovations, and modernizations.

Still, weeks later, it's the haunted mansion that sticks with me, not just the known history: Henry McPike, the abolitionist, lived on his 21-acre vineyard, intricately tied to the Underground Railroad, leading a life of mystery and intrigue, followed by a death and legacy shrouded in the supernatural.

But the unspoken history—the stuff only the ghosts know. The unanswered questions underneath the raw reconstruction, or the dark, dank wine cellar, or that mysterious crypt behind the house. What had that wine cellar seen? What secrets were hidden in the home? Who was buried in the mysterious crypt? All the things we don’t know on this plane and beyond.

For now, we know what is known and can speculate about the rest, but perhaps as the owners work through the long, laborious process to restore the home to its original glory, more secrets and unknown histories will be revealed.

Until then, the McPike Mansion has inspired a bevy of ideas. In fact, it might make the perfect backdrop for the Grey Mansion. What if the McPike Mansion had never fallen into ruin, but instead had been lived in by a prestigious Lycan family?

Inspiration is everywhere in everything, all around us. How will you find yours?

Thank so much for tuning in. And a special nod of gratitude to my gals for embarking on this adventure with me. 💜

Until next time, find your creative, embrace you, stay sane(ish)

Best, Aspen Hite

94th Annual Writer's Digest Writing Competition

Death and Theft

Entering contests has been a thing of mine for a while, and I’ve earned an honorable mention here and there, even had a story (or two) published once upon a time.  I find contests, with their deadline and confines, to be a challenge, an exercise that allows me to hone my craft.

Gotta say, it was super cool to get an email that started with Congratulations!

Read the full announcement: 

94th Annual Writer’s Digest Writing Competition Winner List

Thanks so much for stopping by. Until next time, find your creative, embrace you, stay sane(ish).

Best, Aspen Hite

Blog Reboot 2025

 

The Barker and the Destroyer

It’s been a hot minute and then some. Crazy how life just takes hold, and before you know it, another year has passed, and you haven’t even posted a blog. Yet on we go.

Life keeps us busy, but the time has come to think about all that writing-adjacent stuff that comes with the writing (blogs, and social media, and promo, oh my!).

Admittedly, that stuff is hard for me. Hard for me to say, ‘Hey, world, look at me’, but here I am giving it a go… 

A fairly pressing question: Do people even blog anymore?

Here's a call to my Gen X reading-non-video people: Get those reading glasses and enlarge the screen. This Blog Reboot is for you (us)!

Books (writing and reading), dogs, yoga, glimmers, smiles, inspiration, haunted mansions, and all things in between, especially anything that raises the vibration. 

To kick off this reboot, I thought I’d share a few favorites of my two greatest muses. BoRegard (Bo) and Oliver (Ollie) Twist. These two knuckleheads are lunatic jerk-faces. The black one is the Barker with his deep yet sharp ear-piercing, blood-curdling barks, startling enough to make you jump out of your seat. The white one is the Destroyer. He looks sweet and innocent, but in thirteen minutes alone, he’ll shred a newspaper. Give him a few hours, and he will devour books and yoga mats, along with a bit of the couch, any dog bed, rugs, boxes, paper, plants, and crystals. Most recently, my favorite annotated writing craft book, which is beyond priceless, so he’s lucky he's cute. 

As much as they drive me nutso facto, they're as sweet and snuggly as the day is long. They would do their best to rip an intruder’s face right off. And they make me laugh. Everyday. Would I trade them for dogs with opposable thumbs who can pitch in and generate revenue? You betcha. Kidding. #lovemydogs

Looking forward to sharing more on this #blogreboot journey of mine. If there’s anything you’d like to see on here, drop me a note in the comments, and I’ll do what I can. Thanks so much for stopping by! 

Until next time, find your creative, embrace you, stay sane(ish)

Best, Aspen Hite